Who Do I Want to Be?

I am realizing for the first time that pretty soon, if not pretty much now, I am going to have to identify myself as someone who is not first an eating disorder, or anorexic, or really thin. Granted, I understand that yes I am going to be those things for a long time and most likely my whole life. Not that I'm going to be in the throws of anorexia my whole life, but that it will be something in the back of my mind to be aware of to not relapse.

I have always placed my weight at the top of my identity. This I believe came from others to begin with. I was always small. I was always told 'You're so small, tiny, little Erin, etc' So during the beginning of my disorder, I took this basically to the extreme. That way, people only saw how scary I looked and wouldn't ask, question anything else about me. They left it at that. That was safe. It was safe to me that whatever happened I was still really thin. The thing that supported me was also killing me. Oh the IRONING!

But, I am going to HAVE to start identifying myself as not just a thin person.

Weird. Scary. How do I do this? What do I like? What are my hobbies?

I have lost so much of my identity through this disease. Christ, my hobby for the last 2 years has been losing weight, controlling food, controlling my body.

What the hell do I even like anymore??

Hobbies of the past include...I remember
-Obviously riding. Which I miss so very much and want to be able to do again some day. That makes me really happy to know that one day I might even be able to ride again.
-Um...not sure what else I really did?

What do I WANT to do? Honestly? I hate that question. Every time my lady asks it I draw a complete blank.
I'm not terribly interested in music.
I like reading, but it's still hard for me to focus for that long.
I enjoy exercising, but pretty sure that should NOT be a main hobby.
I liked the one time I went to paint pottery?
I blog?
Fuck, I don't know?
I feel at some point I'm going to have to force myself into a hobby. It's always been easier to be reclusive, post up in bed with some snacks and watch a movie. Yes, I will still do this and enjoy it. But I know I am going to have to force myself out of my comfort and routine and DO SOMETHING.

What I have always said I wanted to do but have never been brave enough, or always made excuses for? Either a pilates or yoga class. I really think it would be great to help me relaxe and start a healthy exercise routine for my body and mind.

So. I should really get on this :)