Habits

Let's talk about habits! I'm a creature of pattern. I like structure, rituals, things that give the illusion of safety or control. SO. My lady has always challenged me to not just stop some ED habits, but instead (due to my crazy nature) just switch or change them. Seems simple enough. So first off. What are some of my habits? Rituals? Things I do without even knowing because I've done them so long.

1. Constantly running my hands across my stomach to feel my hip bones. Feeling my hip bones has always calmed me. If I'm nervous, I'll go to the bathroom and check to make sure they're still there. Crazy huh? But it's always given me comfort.

2. Wrapping my hand around the tops of my arms. Again, the illusion of 'safety'. ?

3. If i'm feeling guilty, shame, regret I will poof my stomach out just to see how 'big' it is to make myself feel worse. Nice huh?

These are just some that come to mind first. I should run my hands across something else when I'm nervous. (Enter sick joke here). By that I mean, I should try my neck...not choking or some sick thing like that. But just holding the back of my neck when I try to reach for my hip bones? Sure why not, let's give it a shot.

How about I stop poofing my stomach out. That would be rad. I do this when basically I feel bad, bloated, whatever. I convince myself that I must look the way I feel. This is key to being able to deal. When I feel these things I think I look so different, when in reality, I look the same as I did the day before. REPEAT THIS OVER AND OVER TO MYSELF. Hi Crazy Self. Stop it.

ANYWHO.
Going out to Rumor's tonight to go dancing! That's exciting! I haven't danced in a long time!