Interesting

I think I need to be more honest in this blog about myself. It's 6:13 at work right now and I haven't had my Luna bar yet, I am hungry and a little dizzy. I'm just waiting for a chance to sneak back there and eat it. In the mean time I was reading "Now is Now" blog and she had a major 'ed day' and she wrote down what happened. This made me laugh a little because I have totally done this and sadly still do things like this sometimes. Here's her deal

Food intake today:

• wake up, drink 2 mugs of black coffee, reach my hand into a cereal box, pull out a handful of honey bunches of oats, put it in a bowl, eat that dry handful of cereal
• at work, I went to lunch with coworkers. They ate pizza. I ate the crust of two slices of bread for the table + lettuce with no dressing
• I felt guilty after that "lunch." I thought I felt too full.
• 5 min later, I was hungry.
• I bought ice cream with the plan to eat one bite of it and throw it away. I did just that.
• I bought frozen yogurt with the plan to eat 5 bites of it and throw it away. I did just that.
• I had a left over quesadilla in the fridge. I decided I'd open up a wedge of the quesadilla and eat only the pepper out of it. I ate two bites of pepper, got nervous, and threw away the wedge of quesadilla.
• I went to a student's house to tutor, the mom gave me cookies, I put two of them in my pocket, pretending to eat them but actually not.
• I went back to another wedge of the quesadilla and decided I could have one bite and then I'd throw all of them away. I took ended up eating 1/3 of a wedge ( a few bits), felt horrile for breaking my "rule," and threw the quesadilla out the window of the car. I know how bad this is... I just needed to quick get it away form me.
• I decided I would buy a soy latte (yes, I spent a million dollars on food today). I drank the whole thing.
• I met a friend for dinner. She ordered a veggie burger. I was feeling so guilty about the latte, so bad about myself, that I just drank diet coke and ate nothing. I ordered a salad and combed through it, but I never put any in my mouth.
• I peeled an orange, ate part of the white inside of the peel, and threw the whole orange away.
• I bought klondike bars. I took one bite out of each klondike, and threw the box away.
• By this time I felt way out of control.
• I walked into my apartment, and, without any thinking, ate two handful of almonds. I felt so gross.
• The end. I know this doesn't look like a lot of food, but I am really full, and it was too much.

Interesting and crazy yes, but god damn if I had a dollar for every time I did something weird with food I could fucking retire on a beautiful island. lol. But seriously, I think to go through recovery you have to laugh at yourself sometimes. You have to take things not so seriously. So, I thought it would be funny to write down some of the odd things I have done with food, a lot like this girl's post. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that has done fucked up things.

-I've made a batch of oatmeal, M&M, Recess, white chocolate chunk cookies, taken them out of the oven, sat there picking through the chocolate pieces while throwing pieces of them away. Probably all in all I ate one cookies but destroyed them all.
-I constantly eat the toppings off pizza. But only the things I think are safe. Namely olives. I do eat the peppers off and even sausage I'm a jerk I know.
-Okay, this one is bad, I have looked in the fridge at work and seen a sandwhich and honestly removed parts of the cheese and meat and ate it. I'm sick I know.
-I have gone through a pint of ice cream only scooping out the chunks then having a meltdown and pouring water and soap into the ice cream.
-I have poured dish soap on the following items: Pizza, bread, cake, cookies, cupcakes, meats, cheeses, cats (just kidding about the cats).
-The chef at work made banana bread one time, and I took a couple pieces and picked out the banana chunks then poured water on the rest.
-I have many many times taken bites of things (pizza, bread, really anything) then spit it into the trash.

Golly. Nuts much?