Thoughts

So I've been pretty quiet this week. Lots of thoughts.

Travis had a really great talk with me last night. I am currently in a very anxious state being that I have gained weight. I don't know how much, but sadly my lady did mention that I did.
I said 'Why can't she just lie to me and say I'm down that way I don't feel so guilty eating?'
Travis said 'Well then what happens when you find out, you no longer trust your lady because she lied to you?'

So obviously that method is out of the picture. I am afraid that since I am no longer 78-84 lbs that I have 'reached my peak' and can 'no longer eat yummy foods because I will just keep gaining weight and become fat and worthless and not unique anymore.' <------See the Crazy?

So Travis calmly stated the following 'God doesn't have a magic stamp that says once you pass 90 lbs then you are automatically fat and no longer thin.'

I guess that's one of my biggest fears. I don't understand that I can still be thin and (in control of my body) and not be anorexic and emaciated.

Anyway...confusing.

I have started the Buspar, it does absolutely nothing. Valium did something at least, this stuff is a joke. I understand when the doctor looks at me I don't 'look' really anxious (Whatever that means) and won't give me something to take the edge off. I've been on 200 mg of Zoloft for months. Ugh