I'm really enjoying my pilates! Today I did the core segment. Even though it's only 15 minutes, it makes me feel really good the rest of the day. It's also on the road to help me learn to respect, love, and feel my new body.

I am so afraid of touching my own body. i.e. my arms touching my sides, my thighs touching, my stomach, or whatever, Pilates forces you to get into weird positions, hold it, and roll around a lot (which I like). It's been weird to get used to. But I really like it so far.

Interesting post from 'Ed Bites', Carrie is talking about how anorexia made her feel special, because no matter what happened, at least she was the skinniest. This relates a lot to what my lady and I are talking about. Just odd how similar it is.

"The anorexia made me feel special, somehow. It made me feel like I was "The Best" when I was starving and over-exercising and losing weight. If I found out that anyone had eaten less than me that day (food poisoning, their own eating disorder), my brain flew into a tizzy and I felt compelled to exercise off every extra calorie or purge what was left in my system. Eating more than someone meant I wasn't "The Best," and if I wasn't "The Best," I was just average. My abnormally low weight played a role, too. Although I never fully bought into the (wrong) cultural idea that thin people are inherently "better" than those who are heavier, I was rather aware of this idea and it played a role in my ED. If I was the "thinnest," then I was "The Best." If I gained weight, I was only average, and average, as I've said before, is not something my perfectionistic brain likes to contemplate."


It's Sunday at work and I am beat. My eyes are beyond sleepy. We had a great time out last night and stayed up pretty late. With the rain today it's been a lazy day for sure. At least work is quiet. I cannot wait to be home, wash my face really well and get some good sleep.