Workity Work

At work, it's 9, 2 hours left. I am anxiously waiting for Tuesday, when I go to see my doctor to get an anxiety medication. I didn't think I needed one for the longest time, however, the last couple weeks, with my body now in the process of physically changing (for the better, even though half of me is losing it), my anxiety has spiked in a way I cannot describe.

I feel always on edge. The worst part is, I told my lady, is that I am so so so happy with everything that I feel I haven't let myself enjoy it yet! I can relax when I have had a drink, but obviously I cannot drink 24 hours a day. I am so excited to have something to just let me be in the present and sit here, look around, and say "whew" I am here, and this is kick ass, because it is.

Travis, our amazing home, that I still run around in too much, my kick ass job, the new people I have been meeting. So needless to say, is it Tuesday yet? My lady said it will most likely be either Busepar or Zoloft, whatever, I don't care, I just need this edge off.

As far as body changes goes....indifferent? Trying so so hard to love my skin, body, my physical being. Better than it was? I think so. Slow, but better. I was down in weight this week, anxiety? Most likely. Anxiety from what? Ah yes, that's the question, what?

My lady said if she could describe me in one word it would be "Intrusive." She said because the relationship with Matt was painful and intrusive,, I have never really been on my own there has been some force directing, guiding, planning for my life. Interesting. The intrusiveness over the years leads to anxiety reaching a level that just seems so normal and has nowhere to go. So hopefully, the edge will be taken off while I can property disperse my anxiety elsewhere :)

Anywho. That's aboot it for now. X-files tonight, weeeee