Muah

Recovery, I have been told, is a long process. Ups and downs. Trips 'on and off the wagon.' I have read lots of stories/blogs/books on different people's recovery, their perception of it, how they did it, what approach worked for them and such. I have read about extreme measures for recovery; i.e. hospitals/inpatient/feeding tubes. Moderate measures; i.e. weekly doctor appointments/therapists/nutritionists/group therapy. I have read about people doing it on their own with the help of friends/family, a large support group and learning to change habits. Learning to change the habits and behavior is difficult. It is so easy to fall into a cycle and not realize how long you have been in it until a few months and 15 pounds goes by.

I'm not sure where I fall. I see my lady, I whine about seeing the nutritionist, but I go, I get weighed every week (well I did miss 2 weeks due to my resent towards Sue and the practice), and I go for follow ups when my doctor says I need them. Apparently, I don't need them. Which is why I am switching doctors. After next week at least.

I mean....I started this process in May. Cinco de Mayo actually. So it's been almost 5 months. Christ, almost half a year...
I need to not get ahead of myself at this point. Because I think the Zoloft may be kicking in and I get a higher dose next week. The anxiety has been pretty manageable this week. Especially compared to last (jesus). The fact is I should have been put on Zoloft in May and not 3 weeks ago. Thanks again 'doctor team.'

But since that was not the case, I feel more like it's now that things may be coming together better so that I can mentally really allow myself to do this. Without the anxiety attacking with a knife it seemed like.

I also need to learn the beauty and skill of balance. Balance in my life. This will be applied to all aspects. First and foremost, food obviously. A balanced healthy relationship, more consistency (which I think to my credit I have done rather well since our grocery store trip this week, minus last night, but hey I'm not perfect). Balance in my crazy head too (Zoloft should help nicely too). I am practicing the art of 'not worrying about needless things.'

All in all I am just trying to take this one day at a time. I have spent too much of it planning ahead and thus worrying. So, new strategy.