Body

My body thoughts have been up and down, what's new.

Work clothes are still a huge trigger for me, I ordered a bandage skirt that should be coming next week and I hope that it helps with that anxiety.

I haven't been the best at keeping up with my Buspar and Zoloft. For no good reason at all. I've done good this week and I hope it's making a difference.

I feel a lot more relaxed with variety if I am at home but it's followed with regret. I try to occupy myself from it, but it's still really hard.

My view of my body is the same. Fat/frumpy/lumpy/blob etc. I try to get outside of my mind and understand that these come from anxiety stemming from another reason and I am able to take a deep breath and realize I am not huge. Then sometimes I'll walk by a mirror and it seems like a carnival mirror of distortion and I get this wave of dread over myself.

Again a deep breath has to happen and I look around and am thankful for Travis and Oliver and our home. Realizing it's okay.

Breathing is key.

Something I have been able to accomplish is reading. When I was really sick I could not sit still for more than 15 minutes without loathing myself and rubbing my stomach, let alone even read a page of a book because I was so hungry. I got a book this last week and am on page 100, honestly I am so happy I can focus and remember what I am reading.

My next step is to go to Woods and read in a chair and breath and relax.

Here goes!