It's been a while

It's been a long time since I've updated. Things are pretty much the same. I am in the midst of phone tag with my lady to make an appointment and keep them going every other week.
I feel like I'm at one of those points where I could either stay static, slip back or who knows. It's hard so I figured I need more constant talking about stuff.

The 11-7 shifts are nice because I'm busy pretty much the whole time. The anxiety comes when I get home. I don't have the structure of my normal 3-11 shift eating times.

3-11 usually consists of having cereal of some sort in the morning (12pm) then a couple energy drinks at work, possible snacking on things at work, eating my Luna bar around 7 or 8, snacking on a little bowl of pretzel mix around 9 then usually at home either having cereal, popcorn, oatmeal.

When I'm off at 7 I've been really anxious. I haven't come up with a good solution quite yet. I got some more yogurt and granola and peaches. I'm not sure really...

Anxiety Comes in Waves

Funny how my lady was right about that...

The hardest thing is to remember that the anxiety will go down. Nothing is forever.

Today's been a good day. Great time at the gym with Travis, fun busy night at work (busy work that is) and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel called a 'weekend.'

Breathing

I've been feeling extremely crazy lately. My days off were full of anxiety because I didn't get to see Travis during them and I didn't really have plans. And not having plans for me equals anxiety. I've always been like that and I have to work extra hard to relax.

My day back at work Wednesday was hard and I was "feeling" fat. Thursday was stressful too. Friday I felt a little better. It's still very up and down throughout each day and from each day.

Travis is so incredible and patient with me. I can't believe I found him. He is my rock, my soul person, my love and my biggest supporter. How lucky am I?

Work was stressing me out last week from the shift issues and not having enough people to work, no days off with Travis etc. Natalie was amazing enough to trade me a day off with Travis. I know things will eventually fall into place with the schedule from hiring more people this week so I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've also had to take a step back and be thankful for having a job, that I do love, I love my co-workers, I work next door to Travis, we have the most beautiful home and adorable cat. I'm so lucky.

So this is me breathing. Day by day.

Thursday

It's Thursday at work (my Tuesday). Travis was off today as usual and he went fishing. I'm super jealous I couldn't have been off with him. Apparently it's also Gaga vs. Kesha night at Glow, of course. 

We are going to Nimbus for late night after work though to celebrate our anniversary. I'm glad we're going :)

I had good days off and felt good. I hate not having a day off with Travis. I'm so bored but I did well not obsessing and being too crazy. 

I feel pretty good now too at work, not enormous or whatnot. I got these Lululemon shorts that I love and have been wearing, they make me feel good when I'm at home. 

Went to the Y today also and I rode the bike again. I've done that twice and feel really different after as opposed to running, it's a good change. 

We also went to Bonnie's after to move her bed into storage. I'm so excited when we can bring it home!! eeeek! Of course my dad's truck is in the shop though. Ugh. 

Anywho, it's almost 9 at work and I'm so so anxious and ready to be off. Our reservations are at 11, so I hope I can get there at 11. 

Sundayf

It's finally my Friday. I'm so ready to have some days off, I only wish they were with Travis.
I'm editing the anxiety scale---> 1-5
    1 being relaxed, calm, awesome etc
    5 being crazy, want to curl in a ball

So today I'm at a 4. I literally sat in the bathroom for a little bit just to breath.
Triggers?
   We had a great time with all our friends at Autumn's house making brunch and sitting in the sun. When I got home I was faced with the dreaded task of putting work clothes on. I put on everything I had and just couldn't do it. So I'm seriously slumming it today, I have a skirt with my shirt untucked and have rubbed my stomach a million times today.

I want to be HoMe so so bad. It's gloomy out too.
Boo

Friday

It's not really my Friday, it's my Wednesday. The last couple days I've actually felt pretty good. I've felt pretty okay about my body. 

I went for a really great run today to my car at the Hog.

I'm sad though that the schedule has my next days off on another Monday & Tuesday. So no zoo trip in the foreseeable future :( I suppose it's okay because maybe it will keep getting nicer out and we can go on a hot day. I know I have some days requested off in July, so who knows. 

Le sigh* I'm pretty sleepy today. We went out last night and had a lot of fun. 

Better

I've felt better today than yesterday.
Anxiety is down to probably a steady 4