A Much Needed Update

It's been a long time since I've had a long post. Which I think is progress. I haven't felt that I've needed to write as often as I had. I haven't been reading my disorder blogs religiously like I had six months ago.

I have had a spike in anxiety/guilt/nervousness/disordered thoughts. But I think I have been a lot better at coping with them, recognizing them and quieting the thoughts.

My lady was telling me this week that this increase in the thoughts are not because 'I have gained weight, or to do with the food I've been eating' but what has happened else in my life. It's not surprising that I have dealt with it like that.

So I have been trying to recognize and deal with each problem in the proper way.

I'm having a really hard time. For a while there I felt like the disorder was at like a 3 out of 10 (10 being the worst) and now after everything that's happened I feel like it's at a 5 or 6 now.

I find myself at work obsessing and loathing my body. I'm loathing myself also, which just I guess makes it easier to direct that to my body.